Adventures of the Domestically Retarded

Title: When You Come Back To Me Again
Rating: R
Characters: Neville Longbottom/Millicent Bulstrode, Millicent/Theodore Nott
Word Count: 2693
WARNINGS: sex, anger, violence against women
Disclaimer: So not mine, I don't think I could deal with the wank if I was JKR.
Author Notes: Why Neville Longbottom married Hannah Abbott.

*

She wouldn't even acknowledge him.

Everything was great then Neville had taken Millicent out somewhere and she started getting sick. It was food poisoning, she said. Then she left, coming back several days later. It was like he didn't exist anymore.

He had tried to pull her to the side to talk. He gave her gifts to apologise for whatever transgression he had made. After the third bouquet of roses landed in the kitchen bin, Neville's world hit rock bottom. He caught Millicent kissing Theodore.

( What did he see? )

Title: You Want Me To Do What?
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Millicent Bulstrode/Morag MacDougal
Word Count: 2394
WARNINGS: sex, femmeslash, bribery, possibly prostituion?
Disclaimer: So not mine, I don't think I could deal with the wank if I was JKR.
Author Notes: My short version of what happened when a group of wizards goes to a strip club.


*


"What?" It was the same question coming from three different people.

Marcus sighed. "Are you three deaf? I said I want to see Millie here make out with Mo--" A glare from Morag and Millicent. "Kenzie. And oi, Longbottom. I don't recall you getting a say in this. What are you Millicent's boyfriend?"

( This is what happened! )

Title: Back seat
Characters: Millicent Bulstrode/Unknown
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 237

( Get in... )

Title: I And Not We
Rating: R
Characters: Neville Longbottom/Millicent Bulstrode
Word Count: 3094
WARNINGS: sex, anger, violence
Disclaimer: So not mine, I don't think I could deal with the wank if I was JKR.
Author Notes: For the most awesomest, gorgeous, brightest part of my day. Yes, Juli this is for you. I hope you enjoy it... You can also blame Alanis on this one.... stupid song.

*

Millicent’s head hit the wall as she slid down the vertical surface. Sighing, she looked around the room she was now sitting in. It had taken too long to destroy most of the belongings in the house. It was trashed and she had done all this damage. The fucking Ministry owl had came that morning and Morag had been there when Millicent had opened it.

( Step One... )

Title: Turmoil In Wonderland
Rating: G
Characters: Neville Longbottom/Millicent Bulstrode
Disclaimer: So not mine, I don't think I could deal with the wank if I was JKR.
Author Notes: For Jules, again. You're lovely dearie and I'm sorry if I'm pushy.
PBs used: Ryan Reynolds and Amy Lee

( Black and white... )

Title: A Conversation Through Walls
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Neville Longbottom/Millicent Bulstrode
Word Count: 2580
WARNINGS: sex, jealousy, insomnia
Disclaimer: So not mine, I don't think I could deal with the wank if I was JKR.
Author Notes: For Jules, yeah. Comments appreciated and all that. Sorry if I butchered your Nev.



Fighting insomnia is useless — just ask Neville Longbottom who was currently lying on his back on his back, in his room, staring at the ceiling and the plants that sat around his room. It was almost two in the morning and he was still awake. The thoughts of navigating the spiral stairs and watching the television thing came to him but he didn’t feel like being so quiet as not to wake the other occupants of the house.

( More under where? )

Title: Paradise Lost
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Hermione Granger/Kingsley Shacklebolt
Word Count: 2918
WARNINGS: sex, adultery, fantasy
Disclaimer: So not mine, I don't think I could deal with the wank if I was JKR.
Author Notes: Done for the great Sarwah as a second belated birthday present... Actually... this one is later than that... like 9-6 months late? Dunno... but as always thanks to CG for betaing.

*

( About to scream in shock and terror, she stared up at the tall dark obstacle and realised it was a man she knew. )

Title:Blank Page
Rating:PG-13
Pairing: Hermione/Ginny
Summary: For Hermione and Ginny this is a different kind of blank page.
A/N: Inspiration for this story comes from Smashing Pumpkin's Blank Page. Also this has verrr little femmeslash in it.

( Blank page is all the rage... )

Title:When I Go
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: James/Lily
Summary: James' soul watches and contemplates what happened to Lily and Harry.
Author's Notes: Anything in bold AND italics is from the POA book. Anything in italics is what James/Lily are expressing silently.

* * *

( Remembering )

Title: My Name Is
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Narcissa/Hand and Polyjuiced!Peter
Words: 1039
WARNINGS: Polyjuicing, masturbation,

----------------

( My name is Peter. )

Title: Vanishing Step
Rating: R
Characters: Grawp/Staircase with mentions of Peeves and Bukkake!Filch
Word Count: 270 (I know not a true drabble)
Warning: Giant!sex, sperm, Filch, voyerism.

--------------------------------------------------

( Squick under here... )

Title Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right
Rating R
Pairings: Seamus/Theo, Blaise/Seamus, and hints of Seamus/Zach
Word Count: 1837
A/N: Written as a fluffy PWP for some friends.

-------

( You're a friend. )

Title: I Called His Name
Characters: Theo/Blaise
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 774

-----------

( Quiet Nights... )

Title: You're Not Like Him
Characters: Draco/Blaise
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 100

( Dude... under here. )

Title: Good Boy.
Word Count: 100
Pairing: Sir Nick/Harry
rating: Nc-17
WARNING:GHOST!Sex, FISTING, mentions of non-con

( READ HERE IF YOU ARE BRAVE AND LEAVE COMMENTS DAMMIT! )

Title: Look On The Brightside
Rating: R
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Summary: Harry thinks he is going to spend Christmas alone.
Word Count: 1000 words (in a series of 10 Drabbles)
Warnings: Character death, dubious consent, has mention of bottom!Harry and top!Harry, sock!Bondage, unbetaed

( And Just When you Think H/D is not my OTP... )

Title: Headboard
Characters: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 100

( Under Here )

Title Life Force
Rating R
Pairings: H/D
Word Count: 935
WARNINGS: Bloodplay, slash
Author Notes: Thank you to Krid for betaing.
_________________

( Beautiful, beautiful... )

Title: You Do Not
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,709
Warnings: angry sexual stuff, language, denial, slash, etc.
Other characters/pairings: Many but mainly H/D ya know.
Disclaimer: As much as I would LOVE to be Ms. Rowling, I am not. Woe. These situations are not real and just figments of my perverted imagination. I don't own her characters either. Also, if you'd like to sue me, I'm a housewife, which means I don't have any money. I'll give you my mop if you promise not to send me legal letters.

------------

( Draco wakes up after a party where he's had too much to drink and finds himself in bed with Harry Potter. How did that happen? )

Title: Perfection
Date: Thursday, 06/23/05
Time: 1:58PM

( From my handwritten journal... )